Lost 4 more lbs because of the flu :(
Hands like parasites, crawling through my clothes,
& they go places that no one else knows…
I feel so ugly when you’re not touching me, fucking me,
The weight of your torso on mine still gives me goose bumps.
You thrust and I quake like the San Andreas fault.
I want you to cut through me like a guillotine, baby…
I want whipped cream, tandem screaming, heavy breathing,
Salted sweat over sacred sighs coupled with hands clasped tight.
Where did you learn how to fuck like that?
Its as if you would be the one teaching that class.
When our bodies bend on burnt down beds, all time just… stops.
And we traveled through space to heaven because we felt like it.
You said you would make love to me in a graveyard.
You said you would make love to me anywhere.
Sometimes I remember being alone, being colder, being quieter,
We always talked about how we loved to turn one another on.
Fumbling the buttons on your sport coat, because being nude is realistic
I guess my favourite colour’s gold or yellow, like the blond wire hairs of your beard…
You love it when I am vocal, you liked to hear me scream,
Your tongue was this incredible god ruling orgasms and wet dreams.
But we explored each other, even if it hurt or meant nothing, we tried it.
You touched me, your hands slid down my body like an avalanche.
And I loved you so fucking much, because we were perfect together,
In the darkenss, in the winter time, in pornographic films, in the story books.
Our ideas make us Real. Our touch made us Timeless.
|—||"FOR ZACHARY." from Vagus Nerve, a collection of poetry by Randii Aurora Callies|
i am the swinging pendulum in your grandfather clock
the second-hand in your expensive wrist watch
the sand sneaking through the cracks in your hour glass
and the endless time that you wish to God would pass
who am i?
i am the grey folds of storms that follow you everywhere you go
the rain that leaves you sopping wet and brings a new meaning to cold
the white-hot lightening creeping like veins through every cloud
the thunder, like hammers that you beg so desperately to quiet down
who am i?
i am the background music in every hotel elevator
the accidental innate foot tapping that every sane being tries to ignore
the familiar melodic tones you have come to memorize and despise
the sounds of violins and organs that you wouldn’t dare revise
who am i?
i am a first kiss between lovers, in the darkness of a theatre
the hope through sparks, and hormones that there really is a “forever after”
the symmetry of adolescent hands braided together
the deep gaze caught after a laugh that makes nothing else matter
……………………………………………………who am i, really?
|—||"WHO AM I to you?" from Vagus Nerve, a collection of poems by Randii Aurora Callies|
Its January, let’s get high and tell each other “i love you” lies
if we try hard enough, maybe, they will come true this time
you can draw permanent marker tattoos on my skinny arms
while i pretend that this is something more than a cold night under the stars
those grey-blue flecks in your eyes are like the devil’s temptations of water in the desert
you notice my look of unrelenting desire and tease me with a kiss I cannot avert
so we continue on with our adventures of milkshakes, road trips and video games
just two young kids, fucked up & strange, never really giving a damn about fortune or fame
maybe you will tell other girls they are pretty & forget for a moment, about me
& I will day dream about my past, pretending things weren’t always as bad as they seemed
but at the end of the day, it seems, I am still the girl you chose to laugh with and
you are still the boy I want to hold my hand
fighting these wars against friends who claim we’re not right for one another
has given me battle scars and wounds, that you promised to lick forever
when I feel worthless and stupid you remind me that I am strong
& if you feel damaged, I remind you that honesty is never wrong
now, its September & despite our best efforts to push each other away
we both know if that were to occur, neither of us could live another day
let’s get high & tell each other, “I love you” one million times
I know, with everything in me, it will be true ‘til the day I die
|—||"For Michael James" from Vagus Nerve, a collection of poems by Randii Aurora Callies|
boy, i want to play you like an electric guitar
stroke each string of your being
til the amplifier gets so loud it matches my screams.
boy, i want you to take me like candy from a baby,
but this won’t be easy.
i am the lioness, you are the prey.
i want you bloody & ruined, i want to taste you like lemonade.
i want to be wretched & filthy; your dirty little secret.
and if you think this is just a game of hide & seek,
then its in your best interest to come find me.
i am waiting in the shadows.
i am filling up your thoughts and invading your dreams.
boy, this is the perfect storm; you be lightening, i will be rain.
|—||"like lemonade" from Vagus Nerve, a collection of poems by Randii Aurora Callies|
dope sick lullabies, those shakes made false promises to sing us to sleep
each pore on your body was thrusting up and out beads of salty sweat
like grey clouds gushing dirty water as it begins to rain
& you were so pathetic and wrong and weary
you were so lost and quiet and just like me
the lines you laid out did nothing but tell time & turn on lights
our pupils rushing through the room, questioning if size really matters
& we inhaled through straws that belonged to soda pops we shared like children
then we turned away from our consciousness and mirrored messes
left all regret & our coats at the door, waved goodbye to all our second-guesses
every breath i took was like a vacuum and you were just dust
and i would never fucking leave you, i will never leave this
but don’t you dare come near me unless you’ve got the goods
i love you, but even more so, i love those pain killing, pretty pills
so you came to me with open palms & rolled up dollar bills
eyes shifted from back to front searching for something more, something less
i fell so deep inside myself spiraling like an upside-down, inside-out staircase
you waited your turn, but the drip-drop-dripping down the back of my throat did not
heat like the sting of tiny daggers sliced my skin, matching all the empty words you say
but i liked it, i’ll never forget our first time to this day
no more pain. no more worry, no more unloved, unwanted me
i don’t need anything; the longings, cravings, envy, wishes—-all subside
warm & slowly but peacefully killing ourselves for the fun of it, together
you dance with me, hand-in-hand like two fish swimming in liquid morphine
whole, rich, complete and floating, face down between addiction and sheets
|—||'co-dependency & puppy love' from Vagus Nerve, a collection of poems by Randii Aurora Callies|